NO news should be good news

The week started out rather rough with the drive back to Springfield on Sunday night. I had been thinking a lot about Occupational therapy with special needs kids. You pretty much get to play all day! May I mention my personality just fits. It's something that has always been in the back of my mind but knowing school doesn't come easy just seemed out of reach. In which I started to look at different schools and seeing about special Ed programs as well. Well needless to day my adviser last week never mentioned that they raised the GPA to get into the Sped program. Yep well guess what my GPA is lacking a bit and my two classes this semester more than likely wont get me there.
                                                   Another dead end! 
At this point I would really enjoy calling it quiets! It's getting really old being turned down at every corner. I just don't understand how can one ONE test have kept me out of the program this long and making it that much harder to finish! Really does a test not even related to what I will be doing really going to tell the university how I work with kid! 

On the other hand life seems like it has just been going....not like anything is happening or being done. Seems as if everyone is moving on with life and moving away, having kids, taking awesome jobs. I'm just stuck being a recess teacher. How cool is that.......let me tell you not very! 

"Never good enough"

Ever been told you aren’t good enough or maybe just aren’t cut out for something. Over the past couple of weeks that seem to be the one thing that just keeps going through my head.

Life seemed to be going great, knowing I had roughly 3 semesters left of school, took a new job closer to home, got out of swimming for the first time in my life and ready to explore something new. Until the first week of everything new started! I like new stuff and always excited for it! Instead I feel straight on my face. The new job was nothing it said it was going to be, School ended up coming to a dead stand still.

After hearing from my advisor that teaching just may not be for me, everything thought of your not good enough comes to mind. I’m not good enough to be in a classroom at work so I make copies half the day, I’m not good enough to be around the kids, I’m just not teacher material.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks battling though this as to what’s next! Knowing God has a plan and just waiting has to be the hardest part. When the end of August came I was so excited that within 2 years I would have my classroom and Will & I could start thinking about a family and go over seas together.

Now it all just seems like it is at a stand still. Not knowing when I could graduate, not knowing when I will have my classroom and for sure not knowing what the next step in life is.  Better yet knowing at some point it would be nice to face all this! But right now just to be real in the last week I have done more running from it all literally than face it! I can say I’m just flat out mad at God and don’t understand!

( not looking for a pitty party just need a way to get some things out)